6 things to expect when you have a second baby

Nothing can truly prepare you for the major life change of becoming a parent for the first time. But that doesn’t mean having your second baby will be a breeze.

The second time around, there are new challenges to expect along the way. Here, we look at a few of them.

Getting to know your first baby often requires some trial and error, and many parents assume that they can apply the same techniques to baby number 2. But it doesn’t always work that way.

While you might have learned lots of practical parenting skills, you still need to learn a whole new person. They might not respond to things in the same way as your first baby, and that’s alright.

Getting to know your second baby can take time, especially as you’re also working out how they fit into the family. It’s a true lesson in surrender and acceptance.

When you have your first baby, they may be your sole focus. When you have a second baby, though, that focus splits between 2 children.

Trying to give them both the care, attention and love they need can create internal conflict for some parents. You might miss spending time with your first child while also feeling bad you don’t have as much time with your second.

Give yourself the space to adjust and find the right balance for your family.

The saying “sleep when baby is sleeping” goes out the window when you have another child to look after. However, good quality sleep is vital for mental health,¹ and needs to be a priority for new parents of any family size. Ask family or friends for help with your first child so you can get some rest whenever you can.

The green-eyed monster can rear its head in a multitude of ways. Your older child may resent the new baby or take their feelings out on you or your partner.

It’s important to be mindful of your older child’s feelings, especially if people are gushing over your newborn. Visitors might like to bring gifts for the older child, to ensure they feel special too. Some parents organise a little gift from the new baby so their first child feels included in everything.

You might also keep a special box of toys or treasures on hand for when you’re feeding your new baby. This can help keep your older child entertained and feel as though they aren’t being ignored when you’re busy with the baby.

Surrounding yourself with people who understand your situation is essential after having a baby.² There’s a solidarity in knowing you’re not the only one experiencing the highs and lows of parenting, and that what you’re going through is safely within the realms of ‘normal’.

Many second-time parents have existing support networks set up from their first babies, but continuing to build connections can be helpful. Local playgroups, story time sessions at the library or other regular activities can help you meet new parents.

Just as each pregnancy, birth and baby is different, so too is your experience as a parent.

If you had anxiety or depression during or following your first pregnancy, you might be more likely to recognise the symptoms and seek help the second time around.

If you didn’t, that doesn’t mean you’re immune when it comes to your second pregnancy or baby.

It’s important for expecting and new parents to be aware of the signs and symptoms of perinatal anxiety and depression and know where to go for help.

If you’re concerned, talk to your GP, who can offer advice and help you find the right support.