How to support a loved one through chemotherapy

Supporting a loved one who is going through chemotherapy can be difficult for both patient and carer. We look at what to expect when a person you love is undergoing chemotherapy and ways to help.

Watching a loved one go through chemotherapy can leave you feeling powerless, and it can be hard to know how to help. Familiarising yourself with some of chemo's common side effects and learning how to lend a hand can help you to support your friend or family member through the ups and downs of treatment.

Most people's experience of their treatment will be different. There are many different types of chemotherapy, and they can all have different side effects.

While each person’s experience of cancer treatment is different, there are some common physical side effects associated with chemotherapy treatment. These can include but aren't limited to:

• nausea
• fatigue
• hair loss
• weight loss
• gastrointestinal issues, such as diarrhoea, cramps and abdominal pain
• mouth ulcers or sores, and changes in saliva
• brittle nails
• dry, peeling or itchy skin.¹

Chemotherapy can have physical and emotional impacts on fertility, and sexual and intimacy issues. This can put pressure on the patient and their partner, and cause stress in relationships.

Symptoms of depression and anxiety are also associated with chemotherapy. Emotional and mental symptoms can be just as debilitating as physical ones and it's important to reach out to your healthcare team for help.

There is counselling and support available for cancer patients and family members. Ask your healthcare team about the best options for you.

It can be tempting to jump in with both feet when we want to help a loved one going through a tough time. However, people with cancer may already be feeling they have lost some control and it's important not to try to take over or be overbearing when trying to help.

Take the time to talk to your loved one and ask them what they need. They may not be ready to accept help, or they may simply want someone to talk to.

Don't be upset if they reject your offer to help. Tell them you're there when or if they change their minds and will check in regularly to let them know you're thinking of them.

There are ways to provide practical assistance when someone you love or care about is having chemotherapy.

One of the biggest side effects of medical treatment can be fatigue, making it hard to do even the simplest tasks. Your friend or family member may also have frequent medical appointments and may still need to work, making it hard to fit everything in.

Creating a schedule between several people to cover any domestic tasks can help take the pressure off the patient and allow them to focus on their recovery. Plus, splitting the tasks between you and a few others can help reduce the risk of you feeling overwhelmed or burned out by the extra load.

Ways to help might include:

• grocery shopping
• walking the dog
• taking the kids to and from school or to after-school sports and activities
• cleaning the house
• doing the laundry
• taking the bins out
• doing the gardening.

Another important way to offer support is through preparing food for the patient and their family.

If your loved one is experiencing nausea or loss of appetite, you can help by preparing nutritious, easy-to-eat meals and snacks. Ask them what they want to eat and be prepared for this to change daily. Make enough for the whole family and consider stocking up the freezer with meals than can easily be reheated at the last minute.

It's important for anyone having chemotherapy to keep up their fluid intake as this can help prevent constipation. Water is most important, but high-protein smoothies and soups are good ways to provide extra hydration and nutrients.

Preparing food that the patient can take to medical appointments and treatment sessions can also be a great way to offer support.

Health guidelines recommend people having cancer treatment maintain a level of exercise, although this will differ from person to person.²

As well as helping to support physical health, gentle physical activity can have a positive impact on mental health.

Offer support during chemo by regularly joining your friend or family member for walks outside where they can move and get some fresh air.

People with cancer can experience emotional health conditions, like depression and anxiety, during and after chemotherapy.

Many hospitals have teams to help support the whole person, so people can access psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers.

Your role may involve encouraging your loved one to take advantage of the professional support that's available when these emotional issues arise.

You can also help by being available to talk when your loved one wants to, or simply keeping them company on difficult days. Again, ask what they need and be prepared that this may change over time.

Another important way to support a loved one going through chemotherapy is to attend medical appointments with them.

Write down any questions you or your loved one have beforehand and take notes during the session. You can also ask your doctor if you can record the session on your phone so you can listen back later on when it's easier to take everything in.

If you're caring for a sick friend or loved one, it's important to look after your own physical and mental health.

Reach out to friends or family members for support and have some close contacts who can step in when you aren't available.

Other ways you can support your own health include:

• avoiding excessive alcohol use
• taking regular exercise
• eating a healthy, balanced diet
• taking time to see friends and staying social
• having good quality sleep.

Speak to your health care team or your GP about ways to get extra support when you need it.

Cancer Council has a free, confidential telephone information and support service on 13 11 20.

Beyond Blue offers 24/7 mental health information and support online and on the phone at 1300 224 636.