How to support a loved one living with breast cancer

Breast cancer is the second most commonly diagnosed cancer in Australia, and the most common cancer in women. Over 21,000 people in Australia are diagnosed with breast cancer each year.¹

It can be hard to know how to support a friend or loved one going through breast cancer.

Here are some tips on how to be the best help possible.

"Don't just assume what someone wants, ask them," says Sarah, 46, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2020. "I really wanted everyone to treat me normally, rather than tiptoeing around me. Knowing my friends understood what I wanted made things a lot easier."

"Many people who are having treatment for breast cancer don't want to talk about it all the time; they do that with their health professionals," says Nurse Practitioner in Breast Oncology, Jenny Gilchrist. "With friends or family they probably want to hear about your normal family dramas. They might want to wander around the shops with you or have lunch. Sometimes a bit of normality can be the best thing."

"Exercise is really important throughout breast cancer treatment," says Jenny. "Offer to go for a walk with someone, or go to yoga with them. Exercising with someone else can be encouraging and is great socially too."

"People who get diagnosed with breast cancer get all sorts of advice from well-meaning people and a lot of it is useless," says Jenny. "Unless you have been through the same thing, it's best to not give advice."

Simple, practical things can often be hard to ask for, but offering to help with these can make a big difference to someone going through breast cancer treatment. "The logistics of treatment can be tricky, so offering to take someone to and from appointments can be really helpful,” says Jenny.

"Sitting with someone for a few hours if their partner is at work, or doing the shopping or the cleaning are also really useful things to offer." She adds: "Apps such as Gather My Crew allow people to assign themselves to tasks, so loved ones aren't doubling up on things."

It can be easy to assume everything is 'normal' once someone's treatment ends, but this is far from the truth. "Breast cancer patients have a team around them while they're having treatment. When that finishes, all of a sudden they can be left to their own devices. They're suddenly left with this new version of themselves which isn't like anything they were before, that can be really hard," says Jenny.

Sarah agrees: "It was only after my active treatment ended that I could process the emotional toll of what I'd been through. People think you look 'normal' and life goes on, but it doesn't work like that. Keep checking in on them; cancer is a life-changing experience."

Marking the first couple of years after a breast cancer diagnosis can be tough. "It can be good to ask someone how they're feeling in the lead-up to an anniversary of a diagnosis," suggests Jenny. "It can be really stressful around check-up times as well. Scans can induce a lot of anxiety, so remember to keep checking in and let someone know you're there if they need."

Gather My Crew is an app designed to help co-ordinate support during challenging times.