Having better conversations with someone living with a disability

Around one in 6 Australians live with a disability.¹ And while it may have a major impact on their lives, it doesn’t define them as people.

There are many ways a disability can affect someone’s life. It could be physical, social, emotional, intellectual or sensory. It could be visible or invisible, permanent or temporary. And it may have a major, moderate or minor effect on a person’s day-to-day life.

In Australia, 32% of those living with a disability have a severe impairment with high-level care needs.² But the remaining 68% live regular lives with some adjustments.

These challenges may make the person appear incredible and even inspirational. But to the person living with the disability, even well-meaning comments on how well you think they’re doing may come across as condescending.

Words matter. This shouldn't mean you need to walk on eggshells when taking to someone living with a disability, but being thoughtful with our language and treating others with respect can go a long way.

Here, we look at 5 ways to have better conversations with those living with disabilities.

Too often, people living with a disability are seen as victims who are helpless and need to be pitied. But what sometimes isn’t seen is just how capable that person is.

Another common stereotype is that people living with a disability are brave and inspirational. But those with disability enjoy the same range of activities and relationships as everyone else. It can be patronising to refer to someone with a disability as amazing just because they enjoy normal activities.

When you refer to a person’s disability, it’s important to ensure it’s relevant. Using a person’s disability as a label out of context may create the unnecessary idea that someone is a ‘special case’. For example, instead of calling someone:

• a ‘blind lawyer’, call them a ‘lawyer’
• an ‘actor with Down Syndrome’, call them an ‘actor’
• a ‘disabled speaker’, refer to them as a ‘speaker’.

Using person-first language puts focus on the individual first, and any disability or impairment second.

It might seem subtle, but this approach means the person is seen or acknowledged in their own right, rather than being labelled or defined by their disability or impairment. For example, instead of saying:

• “he’s schizophrenic”, say “he has schizophrenia”
• “she’s disabled”, say “she has a disability”
• “disabled person”, say “person living with a disability”
• “non-disabled person/able-bodied”, say “person without a disability”.

Importantly, there are some groups and individuals who prefer identity language. If possible, respectfully ask the individual what they prefer.

When referring to a person with a disability, avoid words like ‘special’, ‘special needs’, ‘differently abled’ or ‘disabled’.

These phrases may come across as patronising, suggesting a person is special just because they live with a disability.

It’s also best to avoid saying someone “suffers” from a disability. It’s an individual’s right to decide if they suffer from their disability.

Some other phrases to avoid include:

• “You’re so brave!”
• “I feel sorry for what you go through.”
• “You don’t look disabled to me.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”

While it’s okay to ask respectful questions to better understand someone’s disability, remember, the person may not always feel up to sharing their story.

Some everyday labels and terms can be harmful to a person living with a disability, and should be avoided. These can be subtle, unintentional or indirect forms of discrimination.

They include labels such as:

• 'spastic'
• ‘brain damaged’
• ‘mental'
• ‘psycho'
• ‘crazy'
• ‘mad'
• ‘dumb’.

These might be words you’ve used since your school days, and it may be challenging to remove them from your daily speech. However, to create an inclusive environment for everyone, it’s important to stop using these terms.

You should also be aware that there might be words that people use to describe themselves or their own disability that still aren’t appropriate for others to use.

At the end of the day, if you’re not sure what someone’s personal preference is, don’t be afraid to respectfully ask them.