5 things holding you back from your authentic self

Many of us walk through life wearing metaphorical masks. We might do this to avoid being judged or criticised, or we might be trying to hide our fears, anxieties, sadness or insecurities.

But wearing a mask may be stopping you from being your most authentic self.

Research shows that being your ‘authentic self’ can have wonderful impacts on your wellbeing and purpose in life.¹ What’s more, when we’re guided by our true, authentic selves when making decisions, we can have greater satisfaction with their outcome.²

So, what’s holding you back from being your true, authentic self? Let’s take a look at some of the possibilities.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to fit in, even when that meant you weren’t being yourself? Well, this type of behaviour can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and it might be preventing you from showing your authentic self.

This behaviour is common in the workplace, with research suggesting that 61% of people in the workforce cover up aspects of who they are in front of their co-workers and managers.³

Looking at employees of different ages, genders, ethnicities and sexual orientations, the survey revealed that most people didn’t feel like they could be their true selves at work, for fear of being taken less seriously or criticised. And this ultimately held them back in their careers.

This included feeling the need to hide things like their:  

• significant others
• children and family responsibilities
• natural hair colour
• political and religious beliefs.

Another study found that concealing ‘stigmatised’ characteristics from colleagues, such as being LGBTQIA+ or having a history of poverty or mental or physical illness, resulted in lower self-esteem, job satisfaction and commitment at work.⁴

Having low self-esteem can affect nearly every aspect of your life, including your behaviour, relationships, health and work. 

Sometimes, when we believe we’re not worthy enough we may cloak our true feelings, actions or beliefs in order to uphold certain standards or avoid feeling embarrassed. 

It’s no secret that many of us crave approval and validation from others.⁵ But this might be preventing you from being your true self, making you conceal your real wants, likes and feelings. 

We often see this behaviour on social media. For some, a ‘like’ on a social post may instantly boost their self-esteem. But there’s a nasty flipside: no ‘likes’ can cause a person to become anxious or self-conscious. 

Interestingly, research has found that a significant number of people believe their social media account personas were different from their real-life ones, admitting that they exaggerated their positive aspects while minimising their flaws online.⁶

Being blamed or judged, or feeling like you’ve disappointed someone, isn’t fun. 

Whether it’s a friend, colleague or family member, people will judge your opinions, beliefs and choices throughout your life, sometimes without reason. 

If this happens time and time again, you can end up feeling like you’re unworthy or even unloved. And this may cause you to hide your true self, and may lead to things like self-sacrifice or self-neglect.⁷

There’s nothing wrong with setting goals and throwing everything you’ve got at them. But remember, true perfection is ultimately unattainable. 

That pressure we often put on ourselves to be perfect can be damaging to our true selves. Studies have found that many people who strive for perfectionism (and are afraid of failure) have higher levels of stress,⁸ burnout⁹ and anxiety.¹⁰

We all have a past, and for many of us it may include difficult trauma and loss. For some, this can result in developing defensive coping mechanisms, such as refusing to talk about your past for fear of becoming anxious or unsettled.

These protective walls may help you feel calmer in certain moments, but dismissing thoughts or feelings that are uncomfortable or too painful can lead to a long-term false sense of self.¹¹

Remember to love and appreciate yourself, no matter what. And know that you have the right to express your opinions and beliefs openly, because they are part of who you are.

It can take time to work on being your authentic self and arrive at a point where you feel free and confident to express who you truly are as a person. But difficult roads often lead to great destinations.

Your imperfections are what make you, you. And the sooner you’re kinder to yourself, the faster you can be your authentic self. After all, as Oscar Wilde famously said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”