Coping with the emotions of leaving the family home

Moving on from the family home can stir up a range of emotions. You might be sad to say goodbye, scared of change, excited for the next chapter or all of the above.

The family home is more than bricks and mortar. It’s held together by memories, milestones and special moments. It’s where birthday parties were held, rites of passage passed and little people became big.

But as you get older, your needs change. You might not require as much space anymore, or you might no longer have the energy to maintain a larger property.

A 2020 report by the Australian Housing and Urban Research Institute (AHURI) found that more than half of people over 55 are open to downsizing. If fact, 26% of households over 55-years-old already have, with the main factors pointing to lifestyle, financial and maintenance reasons.¹

While sorting through a lifetime’s worth of belongings is no easy feat, most homeowners describe the overall experience of downsizing as positive, even liberating. Downsizers told the AHURI report that they spend less time and money on maintenance, have reduced housing costs, enjoy better locations and feel safer.

But how do you get past the emotional hurdles of leaving the family home? Here are some tips to get you moving.

Moving house is stressful at any age, but it can be particularly daunting if you’ve lived in the same home for years.

If you start to declutter and decrease your belongings early, you’ll likely feel less stressed and more in control.

This could be the laundry or guest bathroom. You might also limit your decluttering or packing to less than 2 hours a day to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Downsizing is a big job, and you shouldn’t have to do it on your own. So, it’s a good idea to enlist the help of friends or family early on (or if your budget allows, a relocation expert).

No matter how confident you feel about downsizing, parting with property and possessions can be an emotional process.

You might also be moving away from a community you’ve been a part of for many years. Queue more emotion.

It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, which are entirely normal and valid. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through the process of saying goodbye.

On top of your own feelings of grief and sadness, you might also be dealing with children who may make you feel guilty (often unknowingly) for leaving the family home. Even if they’re all grown up and moved out themselves, it’s normal for them to feel an emotional connection to the place they called home.

“Family dynamics can be complex and challenging, and everyone reacts to life changes differently.”

But remember, while moving is a process for your children too, your living needs are important. Communicating early and often with your children might help give everyone time to get used to the idea.

The idea of parting with precious belongings can bring up a range of emotions. But instead of looking at this as a moment of loss, why not take the time to relive and relish memories of a life well lived? Or better still, share those memories with your loved ones.

Your family might even have some ideas on how you can repurpose sentimental items, such as digitising old photos or taking photos of items you can no longer keep.

If you’re giving special items or heirlooms away, try to measure your expectations and consider a backup plan if the person doesn’t have room themselves.

If you’ve done your decluttering homework, you’ve likely come across organising guru Marie Kondo.

While famous for encouraging people to discard items that no longer spark joy, Kondo says it’s also important to thank those items for their service:

“Giving sincere thanks to an item will significantly reduce or even eliminate any guilt you may feel when you decide that you will no longer have it in your home,” she says. “I understand that for some people it may seem strange to thank items, but if you try it, you’ll be surprised by its effectiveness.”

Big changes can be unsettling at any stage of life, but particularly as we get older. The uncertainty of not knowing exactly how downsizing will go may bring up feelings of fear and anxiety.

Even simple day-to-day things like getting around, buying groceries or chatting to a neighbour may soon become different.

Before you move, consider spending some time in your new area to familiarise yourself with your new community. You might even seek out some local social groups to ensure you’ll have some new connections in place.

At the end of the day, you’ll likely find that having a clear plan, ensuring you’ve done your research and being as organised as possible will help provide some sense of certainty during an uncertain time.