How adversity can make you stronger

Many of us find it difficult to embrace adversity, those difficult or unfavourable situations that challenge our sense of safety and comfort. This is because we’re often never taught how to deal with difficult situations, pain or grief in a positive way. So, when adversity arrives, as it certainly does, we’re quick to shut it down or run away.

But did you know that adversity can actually provide opportunities?

According to Nathan McLeod, Bupa Psychological Health and Wellbeing Lead and Provisional Registered Psychologist, we can actually gain a lot from life’s challenges, even when they don’t seem helpful at the time.

Here, McLeod shares some of the ways adversity could affect you positively, with simple strategies to help you overcome life’s more difficult moments.

McLeod says that experiencing and overcoming adversity has been linked to opportunities that can help you grow your capacity for empathy.

In fact, some people who overcome adversity find that they’re more likely to show compassion and support to others who are facing similarly difficult situations. And increasing your empathy is “never a bad thing,” says McLeod.

Trauma affects people in different ways. Some struggle to recover from significant trauma in their lives, while others find they’re able to grow in positive ways as they gradually recover (sometimes called ‘post-traumatic growth’).

“This can result in a renewed appreciation of life,” says McLeod. “Increasing your personal strength, building stronger relationships, recognising new life goals or paths you may not have previously noticed, and growing spiritually.”

However, it’s important to note that, as McLeod has found, regardless of any long-term benefit, most people would still prefer that the event had not occurred in the first place.

It can be easy to be grateful when things are going well. But gratitude becomes more difficult when you’re struggling with adversity.

However, McLeod notes, while hard to practise, finding even small things to be grateful for during challenging times can help the healing process.

“Through adversity, many people report being able to recognise gratitude in things they didn’t previously, especially relationships,” he says.

McLeod suggests using gratitude as a tool to rethink your adversity, helping you to reframe your idea or memory of it in a different way.

Adversity can affect us greatly, and challenging feelings don’t always go away.

But, if you can start to reframe adversity and find some opportunity within it, there’s a very good chance you’ll come out stronger for it.

In fact, one 2010 study suggests that finding ways to overcome adversity can help you in your day-to-day life, and even help prepare you for your next life challenge.¹

“When you are then faced with your next big challenge, you are able to think back on all the success you had overcoming the previous challenge,” says McLeod.

Practising reframing can help you break a large challenge into smaller, more manageable chunks. That way, you can look at the overall obstacle in a way that doesn’t seem as overwhelming.

“Because we only focus on each small challenge in front of us,” says McLeod.

“In approaching a large challenge this way, we get to experience success in several smaller milestones along the way, building more and more confidence with each one.”

When you’re going through a difficult time, it’s important to reach out to people you can trust, whether they’re a friend, family member or mental health professional, to help you on your growth journey.

“As with any challenge in life, we first must get through it,” says McLeod. “It should not be underemphasised how important things such as support structures in family and close friends can be to assist with this.”

You’ve probably heard the saying before. But, McLeod believes, it’s not always true.

Life’s stressors and challenges affect everyone differently, and as we grow and develop, we discover our personal thresholds.

“Over time [that threshold] may change, growing with us as we develop more coping and general resilience skills,” he says.

Finding the positive in every adversity isn’t always easy. Nor is it always possible.

Likewise, pushing yourself towards trauma or suffering as a way to enhance your personal growth or development rarely works.

“While overcoming challenges or adversity is important in our development, so is having time to consolidate that growth, and physically and mentally rest,” says McLeod.

So, remember to be kind to yourself. And patient. Even the most resilient among us has bad days. But it can be comforting to know that even during the tough times, there are strategies to navigate your way to a stronger version of you.