How to let people know you're still recovering

If you’ve recently returned home from hospital, some people may think that means you’re back to full health. But the recovery process can continue long after you’re discharged. Here are some tips to help you manage expectations.

You may underestimate how long you need to recover and overestimate how much you can do. Make sure you listen to what your doctor recommends and re-evaluate along the way.

If you took 2 weeks off, but you reach day 10 and still can’t get out of bed, it’s important you make arrangements to extend your recovery time.

For example, if you work you might find it helpful to advise your employer of the anticipated recovery time and agree to touch base to discuss your progress in case you need to extend your leave. Most workplaces would prefer you take a few more days off sick and stay home than come in too early, be unable to perform at work, and delay full recovery.

It’s also a good idea to think about things you may need done around the home (like child minding, dog walking or gardening) ahead of time and make alternative arrangements before you go into hospital.

Your friends and family may try to do what they can to help your recovery, but sometimes what they’re offering isn’t what you really need. It can be hard to ask someone to stop one thing and start another, but ultimately, they’ll appreciate being able to help in a more meaningful way.

You may also find yourself in a situation where you’ve said ‘no’ to some help but realise soon after that you actually need it. It’s okay to do a U-turn and ask for the assistance that was offered earlier.

Your loved ones will probably be excited to have you home from hospital and want to take you out and do fun things to make up for what you’ve missed. But they may not always realise that the recovery continues once you’re at home.

Instead of saying ‘no’ to every invitation to go out, think of some alternatives that may better suit you at this time. Some easy ones are:

• a movie night at home. You can find a new release or watch a favourite old classic
• a pyjama party. Instead of hitting the town, you can all hit the couch and play some video, card or board games
• dinner. Ask everyone to bring a dish or order in from your favourite restaurant
• art classes. If you’re more of a creative type, suggest a painting or drawing night and marvel at your personal gallery afterwards
• a pamper day. Whether this means face masks and foot baths with friends or just taking turns with back-rubs, this can be a relaxing day without the drive (and the cost)
• play-date IOUs. If you have kids, hosting a playdate might not be possible now. Organise with another friend who has kids to host some days or nights at their place and return the favour when you’re feeling better.

While this can be difficult, often friends and family just don’t know why you can’t get off the couch. Having an open conversation about why you were in hospital in the first place (if it’s something you’re willing to share) and how it has affected you can help others understand how you feel and how they can help.

Friends and family may hesitate to ask exactly how you’re feeling because they don’t want to be intrusive. Initiating the conversation can help to break down that barrier.

It’s okay to say ‘no’. Looking after yourself is essential when you’re recovering, and sometimes that means having to spend a night resting on the couch instead of going out with friends.

It might also mean having to rely on others more heavily than you’re used to, or not looking after others in the way you usually do. But ultimately, giving yourself this time now might help speed up your recovery, so you can get back to having fun with everyone else.